Anyways, mamaw is doing well. She's making it- and that alone is something! I never knew mamaw's personality until now. I don't think that papaw meant to, but he always outshined her in a room. Well, not just her, but everyone! When we went to visit her last week, it was the first time that I talked to her- just her. Her wit and humor awed me. She's not just the quiet serving wife and mother. She has much more than dinner preparations on her mind! I wish I could have known her when she was young. I bet I would have loved it. All of my cousins vowed that we will get together again... and not so long this time. I hope it will happen. I loved every small second of being with them. I'm at an age where I need those roots. I need to know where I come from. I need to know that I resemble someone!! I know that sounds silly, but I've spent my whole life never identifying with anyone in my family. I didn't behave or look like anyone! Now, as an adult I can see those subtle similarities. They draw me in like a bug light! I love knowing that my personality can be found in bits and pieces of my cousins, that I favor some of them in appearance. It's what gives me roots and background. It's what makes them feel more like family than they ever have before. I never knew this until papaw's death. His death brought me closer to my family than I have ever been. I'm realizing that my small idea of what I've always called family isn't enough anymore. I need that interaction with aunts and cusins! I think the biggest part of all that is that I am older now. It's not my parent's job to take me to see family, it's my job now. It's my job to write down the birthdays and send my own well-wishing cards. It's all part of growing up I guess!
I'll end with a letter. My aunt asked us all to write a little something for Father's Day. I know that he couldn't hear her reading our letters at the foot of his grave, but I also know that doing that would help my aunt, and all the others heal.
Papaw,
You know I miss you, but more importantly, I know how much fun you must be having right now. Sharing times with old friends, figuring out those lifetime questions like: Will Hulk Hogan end up on the good or bad side in the end? Why aren't there bags of plain red gummie bears? and Will the Bears ever win a super bowl again!? After you've had time to figure out all that stuff, I have a request. While I know God is a fair God, I'm failrly sure he likes you better! You're better looking than me, taller and had natural musical talent. So, maybe you have a little better edge than I would. Here's my request: Can you have God put my mansion on your block? I know I'll be albe to fly when I get there so distance isn't really a problem, but I just want to know that I can yell out my front window and you can hear me calling! While I've got you working favors for me..... could you tell my Grandma and Grampa Sipes that I'm doing good and that I have a good Christian man who loves me? Grandma never got to meet him- so you can let her know how good Mike treats me. But leave the "big ole ugly sucker" part out! Don't wanna make her nervous! Make sure old Goldie is being nice to Fella and that she's being fed enough. But mostly, out of everything that I'll ask you- I just want you to relax and be happy! Be happy knowing you've touched so many lives. I know that you led so many people to the Lord when you were alive. I think that even through death, those who were the closest to you will come to know God better. If you had to go up to heaven just to know your family would be saved, I know you would've done it. Well, I think this one may have got them all thinking a little clearer! Always know that you are loved and missed, and eventhough we may whine about you being gone- deep down we know you're having the time of your life!
Love, Neil